So, no movie theaters are open anymore. There is a fundraiser called the Cinema Worker Solidarity Fund that was just started to help support movie theater employees that are out of work until the theaters are open again. It was endorsed by the Film Forum and seems to be run by legit people, if you’re interested in donating to something to help people during the pandemic.
Well that was serious. I guess we can check in with the stream-melier again, see what he has to recommend to this stream queen- How can we help, sir? We? Yes, sir, my country cousin, Tex Flix, is in town and asked if he could learn the trade. Your country cousin? Yessir, he’s a lot like that redneck Snoopy sibling, the cactus one. Right, I forgot he was a thing. Well does he stream movies? Hell yeah, I do- and I like my streams spicier than a habanero in an Almodovar movie that’s specifically about his mom. Oh I like him. What do you recommend?
Extra Mild- Watch Toy Story 4 or some other kid bullshit. Next! Disney+
Mild- The movie Hot Rod is very funny and there is some kissing, but not too much spice. Moving on! Netflix
Medium- One of my favorite TV shows, Legion, is the perfect binge watch. Because it is very confusing and you need to watch it all back-to-back for it to make sense. And Aubrey Plaza brings some spice as always. Hulu
Hot- French crime movie The World is Yours forces a beta-male drug dealer to balance his overbearing mother, his girlfriend, and his Scottish drug connections. Caliente. Netflix
Extra Hot- I just checked and no, unfortunately Magic Mike XXL isn’t streaming anywhere. But Magic Mike is. And it’s very good. Amazon Prime
Super Hot- In Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! Antonio Banderas kidnaps a former porn star to convince her to marry him. Now we’re getting to that true spice. Criterion
Fire- Heat-masters Paul Verhoeven and Joe Eszterhas unite to create a movie that is pure, uncut spice. Showgirls. “You’re a stripper!” “No, I’m a dancer”. Perfect. Starz
Hatchi Matchi- Only for the brave- you need a hell of a heat tolerance to enjoy I Saw the Devil. A korean cop and serial killer trade off tracking each other down in the most intense cat and mouse game I’ve ever seen. This is the ghost pepper shit. Shudder